Still Shaking

The Day of Small Things
-Alli Rogers
http://allirogers.com/

I am afraid of beginning
‘cause I don’t know how to end
But you told me that the mountain before us
would become a plain in our eyes
So I won’t despise
I won’t despise the day
I won’t despise the day of small things

Even when you tell me…
oh, even then I’m shaking

‘Cause I am afraid of believing
The plans that we make seem so big
But you’ve shown me that we’re never alone
and your spirit will stay by our side
So I won’t despise
I won’t despise the day
I won’t despise the day of small things

Waking up at 7, class at 8, class at 9:05, breakfast at 10, class at 11:15, lunch at 12:30... go to class, go eat, go to class, go eat, go read, go take a nap, go go go... A typical Monday- at least for one more week... My frist semester of college is coming to an end- and what do I have to show for it? 5 grades and no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. Do I want to be a nurse- I don't even like science, do I want to be a teacher- I can't stand kids for 8 hours a day, do I want to have a 9-5 job- I despise a typical routine... But I am really focusing on the wrong thing- ME... What do I like? What do I want? What do I want to do? Who do I want to be?... I am so self-centered! I have to opportunity to give up what I want to gain something so totally unbelievable that it would be more of what I want than I could ever imagine... Instead of focusing on my small day filled with small things, I need to focus on God and the day that he has provided and the small things that make up that day. Yes, currently my day seems to be monotonous, but then what about ME is so riveting? God, however- He is rivetlng, and His plans are big- and so much more fitting for me than anything I could imagine... so I shall take a friends advice, stop being selfish and immature and wake up each day and thing of what God and I are going to do instead of what I want to do... could it be that easy? I am afraid of believing that it could be that easy, that it could truly be that simple... you tell me it is, but I am still shaking...

Love grows...

I have just spent the evening with one of my dearest friends... in fact, she is the one with whom i share this blog and so many other aspects of my life. She has been my accountability partner for about 4 years now and I have no doubt that our relationship will continue for the rest of our lives. She challenges me to dream big, trust always, laugh whenever possible and whenever necessary... She has been with me through every single "romantic" relationship I have had- she has listened to me ramble on and on about boys and all the while, never confirming my fear that all my thoughts are meaningless. She has helped me to become the person that I am and encouraged me to be different. Without her- I would be less of the person that I am in journey to becoming. She is not the only one though- I have to attribute much of my good qualities to the company that surrounds me: my friends have shown me Christ in a way that I never thought imaginable, and the one friend that has shown me Christ the most, has reason to question my sincerity- not that I blame him for his questioning this.
He has shown me that following Christ has nothing to do with oneself- rather it is the complete neglect of oneself in which you find Christ and ultimately find yourself. It seems like that would be the round about way, but the truth is if you want to know about something you ask the person who created it because no one else can appreciate it or explain it in the same way- so if i truly want to know myself, then i should ask the one that created me. And my friend has shown me this in a way that I could not have grasped before- I just wish that i could express to him that things that I value about him have nothing to do with what he has done or where he has been, but with who he is- because if it were not for his passion and drive and complete commitment to that which is greater than himself, then he would not have been able to do the things that he has done or go the places that he has gone or met the people that he has... He truly loves God, as only few do, and I am lucky to have an entire group of friends that share love for God, which makes us able to share a love for each other unlike any love I have ever known.
Love is what drives me- love motivates- love inspires- love explains- love accepts (this one I am seriously working on)- love knows- love moves- love cries- love burns- love spreads- love illuminates- love loves- God loves so that we can love... so that we can love him and each other- so that we can love those who we deem worthy and more importantly those who we would rather see perish- so that we can love our family, our friends, our schoolmates, our aquaintances, strangers "i don't know your name but i want you to know that i love you" (lyrics from mr. carson)
"THE GREATEST THING THAT YOU WILL EVER LEARN IS JUST TO LOVE"
There are more books on love and relationship (romantic ones, friendships, siblings, mother/daughter, etc) than any other subject... We need it, we want it, we are made for it...
-Tara

Passion

“Passion, it lies in all of us, sleeping... waiting... and though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion maybe we'd know some kind of peace... but we would be hollow... Empty rooms shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd be truly dead.”

The Colors of the Wind

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

Somehow Disney movies speak to my soul... yes, i know it is Pocahantas, but isn't there a reason why little girls are so enthralled with princesses and the idea of a prince? But this song is not about the lovely John Smith per sae, rather it relates to a bigger idea. The idea that we too often only see the things which make sense to us- we only want to know people who are like us. This thought process applies not only to other cultures and their people, but to people right here at home.
I had a conversation with a friend a couple of nights ago about my over analytical nature and my inablility to simply accept his as he is. More often than not I have to "wonder what they're worth"- wonder why, how, who, what, when, where... why- Why is the question that troubles me the most...
So I have decided that i want to fall into the beautiful unknown and simply accept that it is beatiful... As my friend and I talked, he asked me about my relationship with Christ... And I came to realize that I did not understand Christ before I accepted that he loved me- I still do not understand him completely and I never will, but that does not make my love for him any less real or passionate or necessary- in fact, my accepting those for who they are without questioning why should only make my love all the greater.
This does not mean that knowledge of another does not strengthen love and understanding- It simply means that the first step to love is accepting, and we could all use a little more of both...

-Tara

Oh Great Light of the world

So, here we go, I'm finally blogging!

"Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky."
-The Love of God by Frederick M. Lehman

I have spent many good times under the stars. When we had that meteor shower a few years back, my dad woke us all up to go lay in our front yard and watch the lights fall. It was amazing and, if not for the street lamps on our street, might have been the best night sky I have ever seen. The first time I went stargazing here at Berry, I saw at least 10 shooting stars. I have always been the one person who misses those, so to see so many in one night was incredible, especially for me. And of course, there was that night over fall break when a few of us crazy kids slept under the stars by the fire (and Tara, Casie, and I froze!).

The most amazing night sky I have ever seen was probably in Arizona. We were in the middle of nowhere and it was so dark that I could not see my hand in front of my face. A group of us just stood out in the middle of a field and looked up. The longer we looked, the more stars began to show themselves. I have never seen so many stars. We even saw the tiny flashing light of a satellite, orbitting the earth.

The sky never ceases to amaze me. There is not a day when I don't look up into the blue and white, or even the grey of the lighted sky and marvel. And there is certainly not a night when the mysterious light of the moon and stars does not catch my eye. I remember writing a poem once, I was probably in middle school; I wrote that the night sky was like a huge piece of black velvet with holes punched in it. The light of heaven comes through the holes, giving us a glimpse of God's glory and the reality we were made for. Perhaps it's cheesy, but I thought it was brilliant at the time.

One of my science teachers in middle school told us that the more she learned about science the harder it was to believe in God. But as I learned more about how my body is made and formed, the countless genes that make up who I am, the way nature works together in intricate perfection, the more I realized that only God could have made all this. I see the sun gleaming off the last of the blazing orange and red leaves just outside the window, and all I can think is how marvelous He is. Nature, and every other good and perfect gift, gives us a glimpse of who God is and what the "good life," as we call it in my Perennial Questions class, is to be. It's pieces of heaven on earth. We are supposed to recognize it here and try to bring as much of it here as possible.

Light is eternal. To move at the speed of light is to escape time. The light of a star in a vaccuum will go on and on forever. Light cannot be seen, you can only see what reflects it. According to physics, light does not exist. It cannot be proven by any mathematical equation or scientific theory; it can only be experienced. God gives us little glimpses of His goodness to better understand Him and our purpose: He is the Light and He calls us to reflect Him in this world.

-Joy

Friends... such a blessing

What can I say?? WE LOVE EACH OTHER!!!

If I'm Brave

If I'm Brave
- Alli Rogers
I will find my place
I don’t know what’s going on today
but lead me down
whatever path has led me here
I may never conquer this fear

But you have never left me
I have sunken inward and scattered out again
And you have never left

And if I’m brave I will find my place
Maybe courage is not all they say
Cause I have found
that the sweetest moment on this road
is moving forward, not knowing where to go

And you have never left me
I have broken down
and danced around your truth
And you have never left

If I’m brave I will move through fear
Through circling around and nothing’s ever clear
I will find my place, through jumping up and down
and I still can’t see your face

But you have never left me
I have run away and denied your name
and you have never left
You have never left me
And if I’m brave I will, if I’m brave

I am searching- constantly and consistently searching for this path, this road, this place that i am supposed to be. I am looking for it so hard that I am missing the point. Why am i searching for a place? Why am i searching for the right path? We are called to follow him- that is it- he didnt say take this road and i will meet you at the end- he said walk with me...
Julie and I were coming back to school this past Sunday and I followed her back- What a great drive- I didn't have to wonder once where I was going or if I would get lost or miss a turn here or there- all I had to was follow her- she would lead me right where I needed to be... All I had to do was trust...

People, Love, Life... There is only one who understands

okay... tara's ramblings for the day...
"if you have an apple and i have an apple and we exchange them, then we each have an apple, but if you have an idea and i have an idea and we exchange them, then we each have 2 ideas"
What if the world operated in this mannor? What if people actually listened to one another, actually talked to one another, actually cared what was going on in someone's life besides their own? How is it that we become so enthralled in our own goals and aspiations that we lose sight of that which is really important- each other... If you look out for yourself then you have one person taking care of you, but if we all look out for one another, then we end up with a whole bunch of people taking care of us. We are made to be relational people- God made us to relate with one another- to help one another- to be with each other- be together in fellowship and community and relationships- he made us to partner together for life, and yet we still insist that we can do it better on our own- we insist that we know what is best for us, and that if anyone else even comes close to us that they will just mess it up... Why is that?
Are we too insecure in who we are to let someone else know that hey- maybe he don't have it all together, maybe I don't really know what I am doing, maybe I have no idea what I want or where I should be or where I should go or who I should be with or who I can trust... but those questions and those maybes only lead to more questions and more maybes... We are called to be transparent in Christ... but then to do that we would have to be with Christ- how close are we to him? If we will not allow people to get close to us, then how close are we allowing God to come? He is standing at the door, as the Bible so visually states, waiting to come in, but is He going to push His way through? NO, He wants us to want him to come in, he wants us to let go of our fears of inadequecy and let him take care of us. but don't get me wrong- he does not want this to be a passive relationship- he wants us to actively persue him- he wants us to want him...
He is showing us how our relationships on earth should be. We say that we know what God requires of us, we know what he wants from us and we say that we are willing to give up our lives for him and to commit to him, but how can we actively love God without actively loving his people? To "get to know" God we should read about him and talk to him and learn as much as we can as often as we can because we love him and when you love someone you show them- Why is this same train of thought not transferred to human relationships? I mean if you love someone and you say that you do- would you not make time for them? Would you not try to show them how much they mean to you? Would you not call on them as you call on the Lord?
Why is love, the essence of life, too often misunderstood? Why do those that love us too often leave us with tears of sadness, instead of those of joy? Perhaps God could explain it to us because I am sure that too often we leave him with many options besides love- and we do not deserve love, yet he provides it unconditionally...
Love fules us, it allows us to relate to one another and share our ideas- Love is the essence of who we are and what we want...